Last night's dream

Last night I had a dream that I was lactating again. For context: a couple of years ago I took pills religiously and pumped and took supplements so that I could lactate again. I never knew it was even possible to do that when you're not pregnant or have just gave birth. It was fun. I felt so feminine and juicy. It would have been more fun if I had a man to regularly nurse. I could have gotten a good milk supply. But alas, I was single. There would be a man or two here or there but mostly I had no one to nurse. After a while I decided to stop because the weight gain and the loss of feeling in my nipples wasn't worth it. My nipples are my spot.

But last night for some reason I dreamt that it came back. I was pumping and milk was just flowing. I didn't have to do anything that time. It just came. I felt proud, excited, accomplished and abundant. I'm hoping it's a metaphor for moving on with life and focusing on myself.

The amount of things that I have lost, gained and lost again in the last 2 years is a lot for someone with a tender heart. But I persist. Because what other option do I have?